


Somewhere In The Between

by writingtoreachyou



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Angst, Death, Don't say I didn't warn you, Emotional Hurt, Hurt, I didn't mean to - it just happened, M/M, Sorry!, this will make you sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 17:46:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6966979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoreachyou/pseuds/writingtoreachyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is unreal. All of this is. Receiving the phone call, getting on the plane across the country, sitting here. Time goes by so slowly and too fast at the same time because I know that every tick of the clock brings this closer to an end and I’m not ready. How could I ever be? Yes, I know, I should have contacted you sooner, should have done something, anything really to stop the inevitable. But things happened, life happened and events spiraled to a point of no return. </p><p>-- This is a wish Harvey cannot deny. --</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere In The Between

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ifonenight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifonenight/gifts).



> I posted a request on Tumblr to send in songs that I could use for a songfic because I needed some rest from my other fics. The song I was sent is absolutely gorgeous, I think the story works better if you check it out in advance. You can find it [here](https://youtu.be/-PaYlxPrITE).

It is unreal. All of this is. Receiving the phone call, getting on the plane across the country, sitting here. Time goes by so slowly and too fast at the same time because I know that every tick of the clock brings this closer to an end and I’m not ready. How could I ever be? Yes, I know, I should have contacted you sooner, should have done something, anything really to stop the inevitable. But things happened, life happened and events spiraled to a point of no return. 

Do you remember the day we met? Of course you do, what a silly question. If anybody remembers, it’d be you. The panic you tried to disguise, the harmless bantering, the way we just hit it off right from the start. You challenged me, outsmarted me, intrigued me and I was smitten by your brain (and your looks, too, but I wasn’t willing to admit that back in the days) and decided to create something that would break our necks eventually. But still you boldly dove right in and became part of the team, the inseparable, infernal duo. From day one I couldn’t keep my eyes off you, you were a goddamn genius and even though you knew it, you never used it to your advantage, only to protect the people you loved. 

You’ve always been too good for this planet. For your own well-being actually. I mean, think about it. Would you have done that drug deal in the first place, hadn’t it been to save your grandmother?  
Exactly.  
I’ve mocked you time and time again about your weak spots, pretty much constantly even though we both knew how much I admired you for it.  
For so many things.  
You were always the stronger person, if I’m honest. I was a nutcase pretty much half of the time we worked together, panic attacks, insecurities, the whole shebang and you never even mentioned it but always had my back. You admired me and that helped me to shine and do better and greater things and seriously: I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for you. 

I wonder when we went wrong. No. Actually. I know when we did. I should have been more understanding. You know what I mean. When you got out of prison and the whole world was turned upside down and I tried to help you back to life but I was impatient, I was unfair, I didn’t get how difficult it was for you. If I think about it now, all those years later, I know that I deserve a serious smack in the face for all the things you had to hear from me, all the pain that I caused.  
I was just fucking helpless, you know?  
I loved you. I thought you knew.  
I guess I should have told you more often…  
I just wanted to be there but instead I was an accusing bastard, pretending to understand what you had gone through. How could I ever? All those things you told me. All those that you couldn’t. I should have known. I should have held you and kissed you and made the pain stop. Instead I caused you even more. 

Fuck, I don’t want to cry now. That’s selfish, isn’t it? To cry in a situation like this? The truth is: I’ve never forgotten about you. Even though I soldiered on, won case after case but lost everything that meant something to me. When you packed your bag and left me this note saying „I’ve wondered ‚Where do we go from here?‘ for a while now but all I know is that I can't do this anymore“ and left, I was angry. I thought you were a coward. I didn’t understand that you had tried way too many times to express your fears and sorrows and I had been too ignorant to listen. And that all the lovemaking in the world couldn’t replace the words that you would have needed to hear from me. I should have told you how proud I was to be yours. I should have made people give you a chance. I could have been nicer. 

How can you smile at me right now? Do you hear me? You know, this is fucking unfair. All of this. Your daughter told me that you wanted to see me and now you wouldn’t open your eyes. You’re doing that on purpose, aren’t you? i want to hear from you what they have seen, want to know if they are still that special kind of blue that has always knocked me off my feet. But that stupid…thing… in your head… Your brain has always been your biggest asset and now it’s betraying you.  
That’s cheating, rookie.  
Stealing yourself away like this.  
Aneurysm, huh?  
…Maybe I shouldn’t have worked you that hard… Yeah, I know… not my fault and all that bullshit but what if I hadn’t made you stay all those nights, figure out the problem, find the loopholes? What if I had given you breaks? Cut you some slack? Would we still be here? Now? I found myself a younger lover so he’d die after me, I was selfish like that.  
And now you go before me?  
Told you. Cheating. It’s not your time yet.  
You’re not supposed to do this to me.  
And you’re not supposed to still think about me. You’ve moved on. You got married, you had a child, you were happy. I know it didn’t work out, your daughter told me. And I also know that you have talked about me. 

Now STOP smiling at me already, I’m a mess, don’t make it worse! Yeah, you’re the best and only good thing that ever happened to me and I screwed it up. Happy? Satisfied? Now wake up already and we can make things right. We should have at least twenty more years before my stupid heart gives out, so please. Please wake up. You got me pleading, did you ever think you’d see that happen? See me swallow my pride? 

…did you know that I never got over it either?  
I’m not married.  
Well, you probably didn’t expect that anyway, you know that I have trust issues and it took you ages to tear down all those walls.

Mike Ross, you have made me the man I am today. You taught me what love was, compassion, trust, belief. You made me better and you made me whole and even though you were far away, I knew that you were still there. And that somehow made it all worthwhile. It made me thrive for something better, greater, bigger and deep down I thought that one day, when I’d feel courageous enough, I would come to see you and ask you to give me another chance. And knowing you were alright, that you were happy, had found somebody who deserved your love - it didn’t just hurt. It also comforted me. Because even though you weren’t with me, you weren’t alone. I loved you too much to see you drown in misery. I have been - and shall always be - your friend… 

Your daughter said that your last wish was for me to be by your side when it happens. I promise you, I’ll be here. I won’t leave your side. This is the alpha, omega, beginning and the end. But somewhere in the between we had something big. We were blessed, weren’t we? Young and foolish and nobody and nothing could harm us. It feels like a lifetime ago but I’ll never forget, Mike. Until the day we meet again. 

_And someday soon my friends, this ride will come to an end_


End file.
